Figma’s IPO is priced for perfection.

Figma wants $10 billion.
2022 vintage real asset funds returned 0.05x.
Bioprinting peaked at $186 million. Now it’s a trickle.
Europe raised €5.2 billion in H1. Down 53 percent.
Australia’s Q2 PE doubled to $11 billion. From what? A dead Q1.

The numbers are loud.
But the message is silence.

IPO is no longer an exit.
It’s a markup mechanism.
And firms are pricing their own assets.
Then using that price to sell back in.
To themselves.

CV squared.
Continuation funds on continuation funds.
Stacked like Russian dolls.
No DPI.
No wires.
Just valuation hopium.

Figma’s IPO isn’t liquidity.
It’s performance theater.

And LPs?
Still reporting growth.
Still using vintage-year slide decks to explain away cash drag.
Still calling it “deployment pacing.”

The system didn’t fail.
It adapted.

Private equity now has two timelines:
The one you pitch.
And the one your auditors see.

Capital raised.
Capital not returned.

Watch the DPI.
Then watch who stops asking.